Someone asked if I was working on my homework.

That’s the writer’s version of getting carded.

“Band-Aid” is a brand.

The other band-aid companies refer to their product as “adhesive bandages,” but honestly, that’s so generic, they might as well leave the box blank.  They need a better name.

I hereby nominate “boo-boo tape.”

1. Stand Bob Hoskins and Dustin Hoffman side by side.

2.  Choose which of them will play Captain Hook.

3.  Seriously, choose carefully.

Narratively, Jesus’ resurrection and ascension undermine the poignance of his crucifixion.

By that point in the story, we’ve seen miracles and heard sermons…we get it.  He’s Magical and Important.  Quit beating that (un)dead horse.

If I were writing the New Testament, I’d have Jesus die on the cross…and then go to Hell. “And he’s still there, suffering, for us. Now behave.”

Or I’d reveal that Jesus is immortal…the paragraph before he’s crucified. “He’s still nailed up there, to this day, suffering for us. Now behave.”

I snuck out of the movie theater to refill the popcorn.

The concession stand was in the lobby, past the ticket-taker.  When I returned, she didn’t recognize me, and since I didn’t have my ticket stub, she didn’t wanna let me back in.

“What were you watching?” she quizzed me.

“It’s a Wonderful Life,” I boasted.

She stared at me blankly.